How to Get Your Panties Whett

By Oscar Churchill-Riley

Big Day Out 2011 – The best line up I’ve ever experienced. ‘Faker’ wasn’t playing, which was good. Neither were ‘The Killers’, or ‘MUSE’ so it wasn’t a sell out. Hot denim shorts were in plenitude. Perverts, if you didn’t know it already, this is THE jailbait extravaganza of the festival season calendar. The Muscle Mitch Meatheads were also well represented, shirtless with zinc zigzagged faces. All the colours of the rainbow! The Bogan demographic rainbow. Glorious event, The BIG DAY OUT!

Congratulations to ‘The Fags’! Played at the Big Day Out! Doug May (Electric Guitar), brother of Abbe, swung windmills bigger than RAMMSTEIN’S German flag. Louis Miles sang about love, sex, glass and blood, reverberating from that beer belly. It was panty whetting! Experienced Big Day Out veteran Tony Pola (Beasts of Bourbon, The Transplants, Kim Salmon and The Surrealists) went to work on the drums. Anthony Chiovotti on bass was tall and sexy! Songs such as Fish, Mouth, Break Your Little Back, Flowers, Freedom Fighters of Love, Benny, Justify, I think I’m a Fag, were all totally sick! Like Louis, before the show.

Iggy Pop gave John Butler the finger. The sound was dreadful. Very much missing Ron Ashton on guitar, however I enjoyed seeing James Williamson. Mike Watt looks about twenty years older than last time. I lost my voice cheering.

‘TOOL’ played. I passed up seeing most of their show, as soon as I remembered seeing their exact same show last year. Honourable mention to ‘Primal Scream’, with a visually colourful show, sufficed as the pleasing substitute.

Nick Cave slung Warren Ellis by his collar down backwards onto his arse on the stage floor, sending maracas flying. Everyone saw Nick’s nips. I would have loved to have seen some sweaty zinc on that Cave belly, some fluorescent icing on that already delicious ‘Grinderman’ cake. The new album’s songs were surprisingly, far more impressive performed live.

Back to The Fags. Recently signed to MGM Distributions, this is an important Perth product! If you do not already know about these guys, go pay another $55 dollars for the next KARNIVOOL ticket you moron. Quality vs cuntity, take your prick. The Fags are live music in Perth that is refreshingly uncontrived. Ha! Their album was recorded at Begerk Studios last year. My favourite song – ‘I think I’m a fag’ is most disappointingly not on the album. However they will play it live, if you provide the appropriate harassment. So give way to total GAY A-BANDIN’ with THE FAGS album launch, supported by The Yokohomos at Mojo’s Bar, North Fremantle, 2ND April.

By Oscar Jack Churchill Riley – Rock muso journo MAVERICK! Full on completely biased lead singer of The Yokohomos, who may or may not be the boy- friend of Sonia Tubb, editor extraordinaire of this contro- versial, WORTH FIGHTING FOR publication. (Don’t edit NUFN of this! RUN IT, HONEY, RUN IT!)

Originally printed in Metior Issue 1, 2011

Metior Magazine