Murdoch Labor Hack Unsure How To Prove Themselves With No Socialist Alternative Branch to Ban
By Sean Ayres
A prominent Murdoch Labor Party hack was despondent today at his inability to find a way to prove himself to Labor party higher-ups.
This comes after recent revelations that his Curtin counterparts have successfully one up-ed him by moving within the Labor-dominated Guild to disaffiliate Socialist Alternative.
The disafilliation follows allegations that the club often acts like dickheads during student elections and other campaigns.
While many imagine campus politics as a melting pot of left and right wing ideologies and a struggle between the capitalist individualist Liberal Party and the more socialist Labor party, the reality is quite different.
Campus battle lines are drawn between the centre left Labor Party and a perceived dark, sinister threat known as 'Trots,' short for 'Trotskyist', a socialist ideology based around Leon Trotsky. Trotskyists have an occasionally strained relationship with the rest of the left wing of politics.
“I fucking hate Trots, they're the absolute worst. They ruined Communism,” says one Stalinist.
Socialist Alternative claim to be majority socialist and Trotskyist.
Murdoch however is a rarity, with no active Socialist Alternative branch. While Murdoch Labor have been thankful, sending praise to their deity Bob Hawke thrice daily, this has come with consequences.
In the cutthroat world of Labor internal politics where your stripes are earned by successfully ejecting Trots from Guild Council meetings, Murdoch students have been disappointed by the lack of Trots to ban.
While Murdoch does have socialists and communists on campus, it is understood that they distinguish themselves from Socialist Alternative by not acting like dickheads during student elections.
Murdoch Labor have been turned away from this juicy fight against the Trots and are stuck instead fighting debates against the Murdoch Young Liberals on issues such as the monarchy, which they lost severely according to a poll run by the Young Libs.
For now, the party hack in question sits and ponders setting up a Socialist Alternative branch so as to immediately ban it and claim the credit.